Ninotchka
Writers: Melchior Lengyel, Charles Brackett, Billy Wilder, Walter Reisch
NINOTCHKA
Written by
Charles Brackett, Billy Wilder & Walter Reisch
Based on a story by
Melchior Lengyel
SHOOTING DRAFT
1939
FADE IN ON:
AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF PARIS IN THE MONTH OF APRIL
DISSOLVE TO:
THE LUXURIOUS LOBBY OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE
CAMERA MOVES to a CLOSE SHOT of the desk. In the background
is a revolving door leading to the street. Through the
revolving door comes a strangely dressed individual, obviously
one who doesn't belong in such surroundings. It is Comrade
Buljanoff, a member of the Russian Board of Trade. Despite
the spring climate of Paris, he still wears his typical
Russian clothes, consisting of a coat with a fur collar, a
fur cap, and heavy boots.
Buljanoff glances around the lobby, obviously over-whelmed
by its magnificence. The Manager, puzzled by Buljanoff's
strange appearance, approaches him.
MANAGER
(politely)
Is there anything I can do for you,
monsieur?
BULJANOFF
No, no.
He exits toward the street. The Manager returns to his
customary duties, when suddenly a second Russian, similarly
dressed, pushes his way through the door and gazes around.
It is Comrade Iranoff.
The Manager, definitely mystified by now, approaches him.
MANAGER
Yes, monsieur?
IRANOFF
Just looking around.
Iranoff exits. Again the Manager returns to his duties, when
suddenly he sees that a third man, dressed in the same
fashion, has appeared in the revolving door. It is Comrade
Kopalski.
Kopalski doesn't leave the revolving door at all but as it
turns, drinks in the whole spectacle of the lobby. The Manager
is by now dumfounded.
STREET IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE
A taxi stands at the curb. Buljanoff and Iranoff are waiting
beside it, Iranoff holding a suitcase. Kopalski, returning
from the hotel, joins the group.
KOPALSKI
Comrades, why should we lie to each
other? It's wonderful.
IRANOFF
Let's be honest. Have we anything
like it in Russia?
ALL THREE
(agreeing with him)
No, no, no.
IRANOFF
Can you imagine what the beds would
be in a hotel like that?
KOPALSKI
They tell me when you ring once the
valet comes in; when you ring twice
you get the waiter; and do you know
what happens when you ring three
times? A maid comes in -- a French
maid.
IRANOFF
(with a gleam in his
eye)
Comrades, if we ring nine times...
let's go in.
BULJANOFF
(stopping him)
Just a minute -- just a minute -- I
have nothing against the idea but I
still say let's go back to the Hotel
Terminus. Moscow made our reservations
there, we are on an official mission,
and we have no right to change the
orders of our superior.
IRANOFF
Where is your courage, Comrade
Buljanoff?
KOPALSKI
Are you the Buljanoff who fought on
the barricades? And now you are afraid
to take a room with a bath?
BULJANOFF
(stepping back into
the taxi)
I don't want to go to Siberia.
Iranoff and Kopalski follow him reluctantly.
IRANOFF
I don't want to go to the Hotel
Terminus.
KOPALSKI
If Lenin were alive he would say,
"Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in
your life you're in Paris. Don't be
a fool. Go in there and ring three
times."
IRANOFF
He wouldn't say that. What he would
say is "Buljanoff, you can't afford
to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn't
the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean
anything to you? Do you want to live
in a hotel where you press for the
hot water and cold water comes and
when you press for the cold water
nothing comes out at all? Phooey,
Buljanoff!"
BULJANOFF
(weakening)
I still say our place is with the
common people, but who am I to
contradict Lenin? Let's go in.
All three start to leave the taxi, as we
DISSOLVE TO:
LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- AT THE DESK
Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski are approaching the Manager,
their only suitcase carried by two of them.
KOPALSKI
Are you the manager?
MANAGER
(eyeing the three
suspiciously)
Yes.
KOPALSKI
Pardon me for introducing Comrade
Iranoff, member of the Russian Board
of Trade.
MANAGER
(bowing with strained
politeness)
Monsieur.
IRANOFF
This is Comrade Kopalski.
MANAGER
Monsieur.
BULJANOFF
I am Comrade Buljanoff.
MANAGER
Monsieur.
BULJANOFF
May I ask how much your rooms are?
MANAGER
(trying to get rid of
them)
Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates
are rather high.
BULJANOFF
Why should you be afraid?
The other two nod their agreement. The Manager has noted the
single suitcase.
MANAGER
(haughtily)
I might be able to accommodate you.
Is there some more luggage?
IRANOFF
Oh, yes, but have you a safe here
big enough to hold this?
MANAGER
I'm afraid we have no boxes of that
size in our vault, but there is one
suite with a private safe...
IRANOFF
That's even better.
MANAGER
But, gentlemen, I am afraid...
BULJANOFF
He's always afraid.
The other two exchange a look of agreement again.
MANAGER
(a little annoyed)
I just wanted to explain. The
apartment may suit your convenience
but I doubt that it will fit your
convictions. It's the Royal Suite.
The mention of the Royal Suite startles the three.
BULJANOFF
Royal Suite!
(To the manager)
Just a minute.
The Three Russians take a step away from the manager and go
into a huddle.
BULJANOFF
(in a low voice)
Now Comrades, I warn you... if it
gets out in Moscow that we stay in
the Royal Suite we will get into
terrible trouble.
IRANOFF
(defending his right
to a good time)
We'll just say we had to take it on
account of the safe. That's a perfect
excuse. There was no other safe big
enough.
The other two welcome the suggestion with relish.
BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF
That's right. Good, very good.
Suddenly Buljanoff grows skeptical again.
BULJANOFF
Of course, we could take out the
pieces and distribute them in three
or four boxes in the vault and take
a small room. That's an idea, isn't
it?
For a moment all three see their bright plans crumble. Then
Iranoff comes to the rescue.
IRANOFF
Yes, it's an idea, but who says we
have to have an idea?
Buljanoff and Kopalski see the logic of this and their faces
light up.
BOTH
That's right... that's right.
BULJANOFF
(turning to the Manager)
Give us the Royal Suite.
The Manager leads the three toward the elevator. The CAMERA
FOLLOWS THEM and NARROWS DOWN to the suitcase carried by two
of the Russians.
DISSOLVE TO:
DARK INTERIOR OF SAFE -- ROYAL SUITE
We hear from the outside the turning of a key, the opening
of a door, then the turning of the dial, and then we see the
safe door open. Through the open door we now see the Royal
Suite. The Three Russians are standing in front of the safe.
One of them puts the suitcase into it.
MEDIUM SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE
Shooting from the interior of the room toward the safe. The
Three Russians are standing around it. As Buljanoff and
Iranoff close the safe door, Kopalski walks out of the shot.
The CAMERA STAYS for a few seconds on Buljanoff and Iranoff,
then PANS OVER to the center of the room, where a waiter is
setting a breakfast table. He is the former Count Rakonin, a
Russian exile employed by the Hotel Clarence. Rakonin is
looking with great interest toward the safe, and as he does
so we hear Kopalski's voice talking into the telephone.
KOPALSKI'S VOICE
Will you connect me with Mercier...
yes, the jeweler...
Rakonin pricks up his ears and looks toward the telephone.
CLOSE SHOT -- KOPALSKI -- AT TELEPHONE
KOPALSKI
I want to speak with Monsieur Mercier
personally... Hello, Monsieur Mercier?
This is Kopalski of the Russian Board
of Trade. We arrived this morning...
Thank you.
CLOSE SHOT -- RAKONIN
As he sets the breakfast table, his interest in the telephone
conversation increases.
KOPALSKI'S VOICE
Yes, everything is here. The necklace
too. All fourteen pieces... What?
No, Monsieur Mercier, the court jewels
of the Duchess Swana consisted of
fourteen pieces. Why don't you check
on that? Naturally, we have all the
necessary credentials.
As the voice continues, we
DISSOLVE TO:
SERVICE STAIRCASE -- HOTEL CLARENCE
Rakonin hurries down the stairs, buttoning his overcoat around
him. He exits through a door to the street.
STREET CORNER NEAR THE HOTEL CLARENCE
WIPE TO:
Rakonin is getting into a taxi.
RAKONIN
(to taxi driver)
Eight Rue de Chalon.
WIPE TO:
INSERT the House Number "8"
above the doorway of a Parisian apartment house. Camera pulls
back to medium shot of the whole entrance. Into it is striding
a typical Parisian playboy. He is Count Leon d'Algout.
ENTRANCE HALL -- SWANA'S APARTMENT
The door is being opened by Swana's maid. Leon enters like a
man thoroughly at home.
MAID
Good morning, Count.
LEON
Good morning.
MAID
Her Highness is still dressing.
LEON
(as he walks toward
Swana's door)
That's all right.
LONG SHOT -- SWANA'S ROOM
Swana sits at her dressing table in a negligee. Leon enters
with the easy air of an old friend. He kisses her lightly.
SWANA
Hello, Leon!
LEON
Good morning, Swana.
During Swana's long speech he sits down, not paying much
attention to her patter, lights a cigarette, and glances
through a magazine.
SWANA
It's really a wretched morning...
wretched. I can't get myself right.
I wanted to look mellow and I look
brittle. My face doesn't compose
well... all highlights... how can I
dim myself down, Leon? Suggest
something. I am so bored with this
face. I wish I had someone else's
face. Whose face would you have if
you had your choice? Oh, well, I
guess one gets the face one deserves.
LEON
Your conversation has one marvelous
advantage, Swana. However many
questions you ask you never expect
an answer.
SWANA
Don't you find that restful?... Why
didn't you come last night?
LEON
Darling, I was busy looking out for
your interests.
SWANA
Did you win?
LEON
(enthusiastically)
We can forget horse racing, roulette,
the stock market... our worries are
over! You remember that platinum
watch with the diamond numbers? You
will be in a position to give it to
me.
SWANA
(with humor)
Oh, Leon, you are so good to me.
(She kisses him)
LEON
We can be rich if you say the word.
I had dinner with the Guizots last
night.
SWANA
(contemptuously)
Those newspaper people?
LEON
You'd be surprised how many nice
people dine with the Guizots.
SWANA
What a gruesome proof of the power
of the press!
LEON
Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur
Guizot the idea of publishing your
memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne.
"The Life and Loves of the Grand
Duchess Swana of Russia"!
SWANA
(protestingly)
Oh, Leon!
LEON
Sweetheart, we won't have to bother
about our future if you are willing
to raffle off your past!
SWANA
Was it for this that I refused to
endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I
could have made a little fortune by
saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner
was the only vacuum cleaner ever
used by the Romanoffs... and now you
want them to smear my life's secrets
over the front page of a tabloid?
LEON
I understand how you feel, but there
is a limit to everything, particularly
pride and dignity. They are willing
to pay any price! They have a
circulation of two million!
SWANA
Imagine two million clerks and shop
girls peeking into my life for a
sou! Think of my lovely life being
wrapped around cheese and blood
sausages! I can see a big grease
spot in the midst of my most intimate
moments!
Leon knows on which note to play for Swana's benefit.
LEON
Well, I am the last person to persuade
you, but don't do it blindly... if
this is your decision, you must be
prepared to face the consequences...
(With the expression
of a man ready to
give his all)
I will have to go to work.
Swana rises and goes over to Leon. His method has been highly
successful.
SWANA
My little Volga boatman! Stop
threatening! I don't deserve this.
(Embracing him)
Are you my little Volga boatman?
LEON
Now, Swana...
SWANA
First tell me, are you my little
Volga boatman?
LEON
(anything to stop her)
Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman.
SWANA
(walking back to the
dressing table)
Well... two million readers... I
know exactly what they want. Chapter
One: "A Childhood behind Golden Bars.
Lovely Little Princess Plays with
Rasputin's Beard."
Leon sits down next to her, growing enthusiastic.
LEON
I've got one chapter Guizot thinks
is terrific. "Caviar and Blood."
Swana escapes over the ice!
SWANA
A couple of bloodhounds and we have
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
LEON
(thinking of another
idea)
Darling, this would be wonderful!
Just once... weren't you attacked by
a Bolshevik?
SWANA
(straining her memory)
Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik!
LEON
Too bad! Brings our price down ten
thousand francs!
There is a knock on the door.
SWANA
Come in.
The Maid enters.
MAID
Count Rakonin asks the privilege of
a few words, Your Highness.
LEON
Count Rakonin?
SWANA
He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor
devil. You know him.
LEON
Oh, yes.
SWANA
Tell him I won't be able to see him
for a half an hour.
MAID
The Count says if it could be as
soon as possible. It is luncheon
time and he is just between courses.
The Maid exits. Swana walks toward the door of the living
room.
LIVING ROOM -- SWANA'S APARTMENT
A charming room, which manages to create a little of the
atmosphere of Old Russia. Rakonin stands, his overcoat still
buttoned about him, waiting nervously. Swana enters, leaving
the door ajar. Rakonin approaches her with the respect he
would have paid her at the Imperial Court.
RAKONIN
Your Highness.
SWANA
How do you do, my friend.
RAKONIN
Your Highness, forgive this intrusion,
but...
SWANA
What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose
your job?
RAKONIN
No, madame, something of the utmost
importance... it concerns your jewels.
SWANA
My jewels?!
RAKONIN
I remember one birthday of His
Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had
the honor of being on guard at the
summer palace... I still see you
bending before His Majesty... You
wore your diadem and a necklace...
your face seemed to be lighted by
the jewels.
SWANA
(puzzled)
Why do you bring this up after so
many years?
RAKONIN
They are here!... Your jewels!...
Here in Paris!
SWANA
Alexis! Do you know what you are
saying?
RAKONIN
This morning three Soviet agents
arrived. I overheard a telephone
conversation with Mercier, the
jeweler. Your Highness, they are
going to sell them!
MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF BEDROOM
From the door of the bedroom appears Leon, his face alert.
LEON
Did I hear something about jewels?
SWANA
Rakonin, bless him, has given me the
most amazing news!
MEDIUM CLOSE -- SWANA AND RAKONIN
Swana goes to the telephone.
SWANA
(into phone)
Balzac 2769...
(to Leon)
My lawyer...
Leon steps to her side, highly interested.
RAKONIN
I am sorry... I have to leave.
SWANA
(to Rakonin)
Thank you so much, my friend. I will
get in touch with you.
Count Rakonin leaves.
SWANA
(into phone)
This is the Duchess Swana... I want
to speak to Monsieur Cornillon...
it's very important... please get
him right away... Hello, Monsieur
Cornillon? The most incredible thing
has happened! My jewels are here in
Paris! Three Bolshevik swine are
trying to sell them! Yes... yes...
we must act immediately!... Call the
police... Have them arrested!...
Well, then, get an injunction!...
But do something, Monsieur Cornillon!
(apparently the answer
is some objection
from Cornillon)
...But they are my jewels! There
must be some way of getting them
back!
LEON
(just as nervous as
Swana)
What does he say?
SWANA
(to Leon)
Shhh!
(into phone)
...But how can there be a question?...
Are you my lawyer or theirs?... All
right, I'll let you know!
She hangs up, rises, the legal situation whirling around in
her brain.
LEON
What did he say?
SWANA
(discouraged)
It looks pretty hopeless... there
may be a chance... that's all... The
French Government has recognized
Soviet Russia and he doubts that
they will risk a war for my poor
sake. He might be able to make up
some kind of a case but it would
cost money, money, money!... That's
all they are interested in -- those
lawyers!
LEON
(taking her in his
arms)
Darling, calm down. Why do you need
a lawyer? Haven't you your little
Volga boatman?
Swana looks up at him, hope dawning in her eyes, as we
INSERT OF THE JEWELS
DISSOLVE TO:
spread out on a table in the Royal Suite. Camera pulls back
to a LONGER SHOT. We see Mercier, the jeweler, examining the
jewels with an eyepiece screwed in his eye. Around him stand
the Three Russians. Mercier, a middle-aged man of the greatest
suavity and elegance, but a shrewd trader none the less,
looks up.
MERCIER
Very good... superb... excellent...
it would be foolish to belittle the
quality of the merchandise but your
terms are impossible. My counteroffer
is the absolute maximum.
KOPALSKI
But, Monsieur Mercier...
MERCIER
(continuing)
Gentlemen, I'll let you in on a little
secret... we are only undertaking
this deal for the prestige involved,
and, quite frankly, we are expecting
to take a loss.
Iranoff draws Buljanoff aside and whispers in his ear.
IRANOFF
(whispering)
Capitalistic methods...
BULJANOFF
They accumulate millions by taking
loss after loss.
The telephone rings.
BULJANOFF
(answering phone)
Hello... this is Buljanoff, Iranoff,
and Kopalski... Who?... Count
d'Algout?... No, no... it must be a
mistake... we can't be disturbed.
MERCIER
(continuing)
I assure you no one else could meet
the figure named by my syndicate...
at least under the present economic
conditions.
KOPALSKI
We can wait.
IRANOFF
(pompously)
Do we give the impression of people
who are pressed for money?
MERCIER
Yes. Gentlemen... let's put our cards
face down. Right now there is a
Russian commission in New York trying
to sell fifteen Rembrandts. There is
another in London mortgaging the oil
fields in Baku. You need money and
you need it quickly. I think my offer
is fair and does not even take
advantage of your situation.
CLOSE-UP -- BULJANOFF, IRANOFF, AND KOPALSKI
KOPALSKI
(to Mercier)
Just a minute.
The Three Russians step to one side.
IRANOFF
(in a low voice)
He's cutting our throat...
BULJANOFF
But what can we do?... We have to
accept.
KOPALSKI
Comrades! Comrades! Don't let's give
in so quickly. After all we have to
uphold the prestige of Russia.
BULJANOFF
All right, let's uphold it for another
ten minutes.
SHOT OF THE WHOLE GROUP
There is a knock at the door. Iranoff walks toward it, unlocks
it, opens it a little. In the door appears Leon.
IRANOFF
We don't want to be disturbed.
LEON
My name is Count d'Algout. I
telephoned.
IRANOFF
If you want to see us you must come
later.
LEON
I just want a word with Monsieur
Mercier.
IRANOFF
But you can't...
Leon pushes his way in. He approaches Monsieur Mercier. The
Russians get between him and the jewels and during the
following scene put them back into the safe.
LEON
Monsieur Mercier. May I introduce
myself? I am Count Leon d'Algout. I
think I had the pleasure of meeting
you in your beautiful shop. I was
admiring a platinum watch with diamond
numbers.
MERCIER
Oh, yes, yes...
LEON
(glancing at the jewels)
Glorious, aren't they?
KOPALSKI
Now, monsieur, you have no right...
LEON
(very charmingly)
Just a moment.
(to Mercier)
I hope you haven't closed this deal,
Monsieur Mercier. It might bring you
into serious difficulties.
ALL THREE RUSSIANS
Who are you? What do you want? What
is this?
LEON
These jewels are the property of the
Duchess Swana of Russia, and were
seized illegally by the Soviet
Government. I am acting for Her
Highness, the Duchess. Here is my
power of attorney.
He hands it to Mercier, who reads it.
IRANOFF
(excitedly)
You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is
all non-sense.
KOPALSKI
These may have been the jewels of
the Duchess Swana, but, like all
private property, they were
confiscated by the State.
LEON
We'll leave the problem of their
ownership to the French courts.
Meanwhile I have filed a petition
for an injunction to prohibit you
from either selling or removing the
jewels. Here is a copy.
The Russians take the copy of the injunction, read it
flabbergasted. As they do so, Leon turns to Monsieur Mercier.
LEON
I thought it my duty to warn you. I
would hate to see you get in any
trouble, monsieur.
MERCIER
Thank you.
(he turns to the
Russians)
Gentlemen, this introduces a new
element into our negotiations. Until
this claim is completely settled...
KOPALSKI
We can call our ambassador.
IRANOFF
I give you my word! They were
confiscated legally!
MERCIER
Please try to understand my position.
I am not with-drawing. My offer stands
and as soon as you produce a clear
title, approved by the French courts,
the deal is settled. Until then,
good day.
He bows and starts toward the door. Leon accompanies him,
opening the door as though he were the host.
LEON
(intimately)
I hope you will forgive me, Monsieur
Mercier.
MERCIER
(in a low voice)
On the contrary. I consider myself
very lucky. Good day.
He bows.
LEON
(bowing)
Good day, monsieur.
Mercier leaves. Leon closes the door and turns back into the
room to the three outraged Russians.
LEON
(jauntily)
Well, gentlemen... how about a little
lunch?
IRANOFF
Get out of here!
LEON
Don't look so gloomy, gentlemen. All
is not lost. You may have a chance.
KOPALSKI
(bursting forth)
We may have a chance.
LEON
Yes... a very slim one. I want to be
fair. I don't deny that you might
make out some kind of a case.
KOPALSKI
We haven't anything to discuss with
you. We'll talk to a lawyer!
LEON
All right -- go ahead... you talk to
the lawyer and I'll talk to the judge!
IRANOFF
That won't help you! You can't
intimidate us!
KOPALSKI
Soviet Russia will put all its might
behind this case.
BULJANOFF
You think because you represent the
former Duchess...
LEON
The Duchess...
BULJANOFF
The former Duchess!
LEON
In any case, gentlemen, a charming,
beautiful, exquisite woman. I warn
you, if this case comes to trial it
will be before a French court, and
when the Duchess takes the stand...
IRANOFF
All right, go ahead, get her on the
witness stand! What can she say?
LEON
But how will she look? The fashions
this spring are very becoming to
her. Gentlemen, the judge will be
French, the jury will be French,
everybody in that courtroom will be
French. Have you ever seen a French
court when a beautiful woman sits on
the witness stand and lifts her skirt
a little? You sit down and pull up
your pants and where will it get
you?
IRANOFF
I suppose you expect us to hand over
the jewels?
LEON
Oh, no, no. I am not a highwayman,
I'm just a nuisance. All I'm trying
to do is make things as difficult as
possible.
BULJANOFF
Not that we are giving in one inch,
but tell us... what is in your mind?
LEON
Well, gentlemen, how about my
proposition?
IRANOFF
What proposition?
LEON
I just said let's have a little lunch.
(picking up the
telephone)
Room service.
MEDIUM SHOT -- CORRIDOR OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE
DISSOLVE TO:
shooting toward door leading to the Royal Suite. Two waiters
are wheeling in a table on which is a block of ice filled
with caviar and a collection of the most delicious hors
d'oeuvres. They enter the room. After the door is closed we
hear from within loud SOUNDS of approval from Buljanoff,
Iranoff, and Kopalski. The CAMERA STAYS on the door. After a
few seconds a very good-looking cigarette girl enters the
room and from within we HEAR even louder SOUNDS of approval.
Next a waiter enters carrying champagne and another with
glasses on a tray. As they are going into the room, the
cigarette girl comes out and runs excitedly down the corridor.
Camera pans with her away from the door as she starts down
the staircase.
MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF THE ROYAL SUITE
Some of the waiters come out, others go in, carrying further
delicacies.
MEDIUM SHOT -- HEAD OF STAIRCASE
Up the staircase pants the cigarette girl, followed by two
other cigarette girls. Camera pans with them as they rush
toward the door of the Royal Suite and enter. From within we
HEAR terrific greetings. The CAMERA REMAINS ON THE DOOR as
we SLOWLY DISSOLVE INTO EVENING.
The electric lights are lit and a band of five Hungarian
musicians enters carrying typical Hungarian instruments,
including a cimbalom.
LONG SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE
The orchestra is playing; the Three Russians, very high by
now, are dancing with the girls. One of them is wearing the
cigarette tray of one of the girls. It is a harmless but
loud and hilarious party. Apart from all the hullabaloo sits
Leon at the desk, a telegraph blank before him.
LEON
Hey, Sascha! Serge! Misha!
The three come to him, all in the gayest, most agreeable
mood.
KOPALSKI
Yes, Leon...
IRANOFF
(pawing him)
What is it, my boy?
LEON
About this telegram to Moscow. Why
should you bother? I'll write it for
you.
BULJANOFF
Leon... Leonitchka...
(he embraces Leon)
Why are you so good to us?
(he kisses Leon)
IRANOFF
(kissing Leon too)
Leon, my little boy.
KOPALSKI
(joining them)
Oh, Leon, you are so good.
LEON
(freeing himself as
best he can)
What's the name of that Commissar on
the Board of Trade?
IRANOFF
Razinin.
LEON
(writing)
Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow.
KOPALSKI
You wouldn't like Razinin.
BULJANOFF
He's a bad man. Sends people to
Siberia!
IRANOFF
We don't like Razinin.
BULJANOFF
(again pawing Leon)
We like you, Leon -- don't we like
Leon?
The others join him and kiss Leon.
IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI
Yes, we like Leon... little
Leonitchka.
This brings on a new frenzy of Russian affection. Leon frees
himself and rises.
LEON
How does this strike you? Commissar
Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow.
Unexpected situation here. Duchess
Swana in Paris claims jewels, and
has already brought injunction against
sale or removal. After long and
careful study we suggest in the
interest of our beloved country a
fifty-fifty settlement as best
solution. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and
Kopalski.
KOPALSKI
If we say that, Leon... we'll be
sent to Siberia!
IRANOFF
And if we have to go to Siberia...
LEON
(still looking over
the telegram)
I'll send you a muff.
BULJANOFF
Oh, why are you so good to us?
IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI
Yes, you are so good, Leon.
Again they overwhelm Leon with an avalanche of Russian
affection. At this moment Rakonin enters with some new bottles
of champagne. The Russians immediately leave Leon and direct
their affection toward Rakonin, embracing and kissing him.
ALL THREE RUSSIANS
Comrade waiter, dear waiteritchka!...
Why are you so good to us? You good
waiter!
After Rakonin has turned over the champagne to the Russians,
Leon takes him aside.
LEON
Take this telegram to the telegraph
office at once!
RAKONIN
Yes, monsieur.
He leaves the room.
CLOSE SHOT -- DOOR LEADING TO CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE
Rakonin comes out with the telegram. The CAMERA PANS with
him as he hurries down the corridor, reading it. The CAMERA
NARROWS DOWN on an insert of the telegram as we
DISSOLVE TO:
TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER A WIDE SWEEP OF COUNTRY
DISSOLVE TO:
TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER THE ROOFS OF MOSCOW
Pan down past the roof of an official building to a CLOSE
SHOT of a window. Behind it stands Razinin, reading the
telegram. He is a violent, militant Bolshevik.
The telegram fills him with rage. As he crumples it, and
stares into space, his expression bodes ill for Buljanoff,
Iranoff, and Kopalski.
FADE OUT:
MEDIUM SHOT -- UPPER CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE
FADE IN:
shooting toward door of elevator. The elevator comes up and
stops, the door opens, and the Three Russians step out. They
are very smartly dressed and look like any urbane gentlemen
coming from the races. Two of them have racing glasses. As
they walk toward the Royal Suite, Lady Lavenham, an elderly
English aristocrat, comes out of her room.
LADY LAVENHAM
Good afternoon, messieurs, mes
Comrades.
ALL THREE RUSSIANS
Good afternoon, Lady Lavenham.
KOPALSKI
And how is Lord Lavenham?
BULJANOFF
...and little Lady Beatrice?
LADY LAVENHAM
Very well. Did fortune favor you at
the races?
IRANOFF
Comme ci, comme ca.
LADY LAVENHAM
I understand... nothing to write
home about.
BULJANOFF
(alarmed)
Who wants to write home about it?
LADY LAVENHAM
It's just a saying. How about joining
us Saturday night for dinner? We're
having a few friends.
KOPALSKI
Are we free, Buljanoff?
BULJANOFF
Possibly.
IRANOFF
We'll manage.
LADY LAVENHAM
Then let's say at nine.
BULJANOFF
Black tie or white tie?
LADY LAVENHAM
Oh, let's make it white.
BULJANOFF
Certainly!
LADY LAVENHAM
Au revoir.
ALL THREE RUSSIANS
Au revoir.
As they walk into the Royal Suite, Buljanoff tosses off an
urbane comment.
BULJANOFF
Nice people.
ANTEROOM OF ROYAL SUITE
As the three enter, the telephone rings. Buljanoff and
Kopalski go into the living room. Iranoff answers the
telephone.
IRANOFF
(into telephone)
Yes, Leon...
(a little bit annoyed)
What is it, Leon?... You can't hurry
such things... You must give Moscow
a little time... There's nothing we
can do about it... why don't you
drop in later?... Au revoir...
He steps into the living room.
LIVING ROOM
As Iranoff enters Buljanoff rushes toward him.
BULJANOFF
Misha! Misha!
IRANOFF
What is it?
BULJANOFF
A telegram from Moscow! It must have
been here all day!
KOPALSKI
(joining them and
reading telegram)
Halt negotiations immediately. Envoy
extraordinary arrives Thursday six
ten with full power. Your authority
cancelled herewith. Razinin.
IRANOFF
It is Thursday!
BULJANOFF
It's six o'clock already!
They rush into the bedroom.
KOPALSKI
I always said it would be Siberia!
DISSOLVE TO:
LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE
Manager at desk. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski rush from
the direction of the elevator. Iranoff pauses at the desk.
The others go on to the door and wait for him there.
IRANOFF
(to Manager)
A Special Envoy is coming from Moscow.
He'll occupy the Royal Suite. Move
our things to the smallest room you've
got.
MANAGER
Yes, monsieur.
IRANOFF
Right away... instantly!
From the door Buljanoff and Kopalski call impatiently.
BULJANOFF AND KOPALSKI
Iranoff!
IRANOFF
I'm coming!
As he starts toward the door, we
DISSOLVE TO:
PLATFORM -- PARIS RAILROAD STATION
The train has already arrived as the Three Russians hurry
down the platform. Neither do they know the name of the Envoy
Extraordinary, nor his appearance, and they are searching
the crowd for some clue.
IRANOFF
This is a fine thing. Maybe we've
missed him already.
KOPALSKI
How can you find somebody without
knowing what he looks like?
Iranoff points to a bearded man with a knapsack.
IRANOFF
That must be the one!
BULJANOFF
Yes, he looks like a comrade!
They follow the man, but just as they are ready to approach
him he is greeted by a German Girl. Both raise their hands
in the Nazi salute.
BEARDED MAN AND GIRL
Heil Hitler!
As the two embrace, the Three Russians stop in their tracks.
KOPALSKI
No, that's not him...
BULJANOFF
Positively not!
By now the platform is almost empty. As the Russians in the
foreground look around helplessly, we see in the background
a woman who obviously is also looking for someone. It is
Ninotchka Yakushova, the Envoy Extraordinary. The Russians
exchange troubled looks and go toward her. Ninotchka comes
forward. As they meet she speaks.
NINOTCHKA
(to Iranoff)
I am looking for Michael Simonovitch
Iranoff.
IRANOFF
I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff.
NINOTCHKA
I am Nina Ivanovna Yakushova, Envoy
Extraordinary, acting under direct
orders of Comrade Commissar Razinin.
Present me to your colleagues.
They shake hands. Ninotchka's grip is strong as a man's.
IRANOFF
Comrade Buljanoff...
NINOTCHKA
Comrade.
IRANOFF
Comrade Kopalski...
NINOTCHKA
Comrade.
IRANOFF
What a charming idea for Moscow to
surprise us with a lady comrade.
KOPALSKI
If we had known we would have greeted
you with flowers.
NINOTCHKA
(sternly)
Don't make an issue of my womanhood.
We are here for work... all of us.
Let's not waste time. Shall we go?
The Russians are taken aback. As Ninotchka bends down to
lift her two suitcases, Iranoff calls:
IRANOFF
Porter!
A Porter steps up to them.
PORTER
Here, please...
NINOTCHKA
What do you want?
PORTER
May I have your bags, madame?
NINOTCHKA
Why?
KOPALSKI
He is a porter. He wants to carry
them.
NINOTCHKA
(to Porter)
Why?... Why should you carry other
people's bags?
PORTER
Well... that's my business, madame.
NINOTCHKA
That's no business... that's a social
injustice.
PORTER
That depends on the tip.
KOPALSKI
(trying to take
Ninotchka's bags)
Allow me, Comrade.
NINOTCHKA
No, thank you.
Ninotchka takes both suitcases and walks away with the Three
Russians, whose nervousness has increased with every word
from the Envoy Extraordinary.
BULJANOFF
How are things in Moscow?
NINOTCHKA
Very good. The last mass trials were
a great success. There are going to
be fewer but better Russians.
The hearts of the Three Russians drop to their boots, as we
DISSOLVE TO:
LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE
Ninotchka, followed by the Russians, comes through the lobby,
observing every detail of these unfamiliar surroundings.
Suddenly she stops. In the showcase of a hat shop in the
lobby is displayed a hat of the John-Frederic's type.
NINOTCHKA
What's that?
KOPALSKI
It's a hat, Comrade, a woman's hat.
Ninotchka shakes her head.
NINOTCHKA
Tsk, tsk, tsk, how can such a
civilization survive which permits
women to put things like that on
their heads. It won't be long now,
Comrades.
She walks out of the shot toward the elevator, followed by
the Three Russians, as we
DISSOLVE TO:
ROYAL SUITE
Ninotchka enters, followed by the Three Russians, who by now
are frightened to death.
BULJANOFF
This is the apartment we have reserved
for you, Comrade Yakushova. I hope
you like it.
NINOTCHKA
(glancing around the
tremendous room)
Which part of the room is mine?
IRANOFF
You see... it is a little different
here. They don't rent rooms in pieces.
We had to take the whole suite.
Ninotchka begins to unpack her things and puts her typewriter
on the desk.
NINOTCHKA
How much does this cost?
IRANOFF
Two thousand francs.
NINOTCHKA
A week?
IRANOFF
A day.
NINOTCHKA
Do you know how much a cow costs,
Comrade Iranoff?
IRANOFF
A cow?
NINOTCHKA
Two thousand francs. If I stay here
a week I will cost the Russian people
seven cows.
(with an outburst of
emotion)
Who am I to cost the Russian people
seven cows?
BULJANOFF
We had to take it on account of the
safe.
IRANOFF
For ourselves... we are much happier
now since we moved to a little room
next to the servants' quarters.
Ninotchka takes Lenin's picture from her bags.
NINOTCHKA
I am ashamed to put the picture of
Lenin in a room like this.
(she puts the
photograph on the
desk)
Comrades, your telegram was received
with great disfavor in Moscow.
KOPALSKI
We did our best, Comrade.
NINOTCHKA
I hope so for your sake.
(she sits at her desk
and starts to type
her report)
Let us examine the case. What does
the lawyer say?
BULJANOFF
Which lawyer?
NINOTCHKA
You didn't get legal advice?
BULJANOFF
We didn't want to get mixed up with
lawyers. They are very expensive
here. If you just say hello to a
lawyer... well, there goes another
cow.
KOPALSKI
We dealt directly with the
representative of the Grand Duchess.
I am sure if we call him he will
give you a very clear picture.
NINOTCHKA
I will not repeat your mistake. I
will have no dealings with the Grand
Duchess nor her representative.
Ninotchka continues to type. The Three Russians watch her
nervously. Each click pounds on their consciences.
NINOTCHKA
(looking up)
Comrade Buljanoff...
BULJANOFF
Yes, Comrade?
NINOTCHKA
Do you spell Buljanoff with one or
two f's?
BULJANOFF
(with fright in his
voice)
With two f's, if you please.
Ninotchka goes on with her typing. Suddenly she looks up at
Iranoff, who becomes self-conscious and fixes his tie. As he
does so he sees that Ninotchka's glance is concentrated on
the spats which he was wearing and in his hurry forgot to
remove. He knows it is too late to do anything about it except
to stand one foot behind the other, as Ninotchka types faster,
the clicking of her keys twice as loud. Ninotchka picks up
the telephone.
NINOTCHKA
(into phone)
Will you send me some cigarettes,
please?
(suddenly getting up)
Comrades, I am not in a position to
pass final judgment but at best you
have been careless in your duty to
the State.
(with utmost gravity)
You were entrusted with more than a
mere sale of jewelry. Why are we
peddling our precious possessions to
the world at this time? Our next
year's crop is in danger and you
know it. Unless we can get foreign
currency to buy tractors there will
not be enough bread for our people.
And you three comrades...
KOPALSKI
We did it with the best intentions...
NINOTCHKA
We cannot feed the Russian people on
your intentions. Fifty per cent to a
so-called Duchess!... Half of every
loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade
Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy
and get the address of the best lawyer
in Paris.
KOPALSKI
Yes, Comrade.
NINOTCHKA
You, Comrade Iranoff, go to the Public
Library and get me the section of
the Civil Code on property.
BULJANOFF
Is there anything I can do, Comrade?
NINOTCHKA
You might get me an accurate map of
Paris. I want to use my spare time
to inspect the public utilities and
make a study of all outstanding
technical achievements in the city.
BULJANOFF
Yes, Comrade.
The buzzer rings.
NINOTCHKA
Come in.
The three Cigarette Girls enter.
CIGARETTE GIRLS
(gaily)
Hello! Hello! Cigarettes?
Ninotchka looks up astonished. Seeing her, the Cigarette
Girls freeze. The Russians stand by quietly.
NINOTCHKA
(looking at the
Russians)
Comrades, you seem to have been
smoking a lot.
FADE OUT:
MEDIUM SHOT -- LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- EVENING
FADE IN:
shooting past the desk toward the revolving door. The
telephone rings and the Desk Clerk answers.
DESK CLERK
Desk... yes, Monsieur Kopalski...
(he writes down the
message)
...you are expecting Count d'Algout...
uh huh... but he is not to go to the
Royal Suite under any circumstances.
He should go to your new room, 985?
Thank you, monsieur.
(he hangs up the
receiver)
A few seconds later Ninotchka, naturally completely unaware
of the telephone conversation, passes by. She carries a map
in her hand.
DESK CLERK
Good evening, madame.
NINOTCHKA
Good evening. She exits out the door.
EXTERIOR, HOTEL CLARENCE
Ninotchka emerges, unfolds the map.
CLOSE-UP -- MAP OF PARIS
in the hands of Ninotchka. The CAMERA ZOOMS down to a CLOSE-
UP of the little drawing of the Hotel Clarence on the map.
The CAMERA then PANS OVER from the Clarence toward the
opposite side of the street, but before we reach the opposite
side we see that in the center of the street is a little
isle of safety. The CAMERA proceeds PANNING to the opposite
side of the square and we
DISSOLVE TO:
The Real Location Corresponding to That Seen on the Map and
seen from the same ANGLE. It is evening, and along the street
comes Leon on his way to the hotel. The CAMERA PANS with him
as he crosses the street. He reaches the isle of safety and
there passes Ninotchka, who has come from the other side.
They pass on the little isle without noticing each other.
Suddenly we hear the whistle of a traffic policeman and both
Ninotchka and Leon have to step back to the little isle.
CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND LEON
on the little isle. Wanting some information Ninotchka turns
to him -- completely impersonal.
NINOTCHKA
You, please.
LEON
Me?
NINOTCHKA
Yes. Could you give me some
information?
LEON
Gladly.
NINOTCHKA
How long do we have to wait here?
LEON
Well -- until the policeman whistles
again.
NINOTCHKA
At what intervals does he whistle?
LEON
What?
NINOTCHKA
How many minutes between the first
and second whistle?
LEON
That's funny. It's interesting. I
never gave it a thought before.
NINOTCHKA
Have you never been caught in a
similar situation?
LEON
Have I? Do you know when I come to
think about it it's staggering. If I
add it all up I must have spent years
waiting for signals. Imagine! An
important part of my life wasted
between whistles.
NINOTCHKA
In other words you don't know.
LEON
No.
NINOTCHKA
Thank you.
LEON
You're welcome.
Ninotchka gets out her map, starts to unfold it.
LEON
Can I help you?
NINOTCHKA
You might hold this for me.
LEON
Love to.
NINOTCHKA
(engrossed in her
geography)
Correct me if I am wrong... We are
facing north, aren't we?
LEON
(bewildered)
Facing north... I'd hate to commit
myself without my compass... Pardon
me... are you an explorer?
NINOTCHKA
No... I am looking for the Eiffel
Tower.
LEON
Is that thing lost again?... Listen...
if you are interested in a view...
NINOTCHKA
I am interested in the Eiffel Tower
from a technical standpoint.
LEON
Technical... I couldn't help you
from that angle. You see, a real
Parisian only goes to the top of the
tower in moments of despair to jump
off.
NINOTCHKA
How long does it take a man to land?
LEON
Now, isn't that too bad! The last
time I jumped I forgot to clock it!
(looks at map)
Let me see... Eiffel Tower... Your
finger, please.
He takes her finger and points to the map with it.
NINOTCHKA
(skeptically)
Why do you need my finger?
LEON
Bad manners to point with your own...
Here... the Eiffel Tower.
NINOTCHKA
And where are we?
LEON
(shifting her finger
back to the hotel)
Here... here we are... here you are
and here I am... feel it?
NINOTCHKA
I am interested only in the shortest
distance between these two points.
Must you flirt?
LEON
I don't have to but I find it natural.
NINOTCHKA
Suppress it.
LEON
I'll try.
Ninotchka starts to fold her map.
NINOTCHKA
For my own information would you
call your approach toward me typical
of the local morale?
LEON
Madame, it is that kind of approach
which has made Paris what it is.
NINOTCHKA
You are very sure of yourself, aren't
you?
LEON
Nothing has occurred recently to
shake my confidence.
NINOTCHKA
I have heard of the arrogant male in
capitalistic society. It is having a
superior earning power that makes
you like that.
LEON
A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade...
I have been fascinated by your Five-
Year Plan for the past fifteen years!
NINOTCHKA
Your type will soon be extinct.
She walks away from him coldly. Leon stares after her,
fascinated.
ENTRANCE -- GROUND FLOOR OF THE EIFFEL TOWER
DISSOLVE TO:
Camera moves with Ninotchka as she enters. She approaches an
Attendant.
NINOTCHKA
Please... can you tell me the exact
width of the foundation on which the
piers are resting?... and the depth?
ATTENDANT
You don't have to worry. The thing
is safe.
NINOTCHKA
I am not afraid... I want to know...
Leon, who apparently has taken a taxi and prepared himself
otherwise, enters the scene, reading from a book.
LEON
(reading)
The foundation is one hundred and
forty-one yards square...
(he tips his hat and
interjects)
I hope you'll forgive me but I thought
you'd...
NINOTCHKA
(interrupting)
Go ahead.
The CAMERA goes with Ninotchka and Leon as they walk toward
the steps.
LEON
(continuing)
Four massive piers of masonry are
sunk to a depth of forty-six feet on
the side of the Seine, and twenty-
nine and one-half feet on the other
side. The girders of interlaced iron-
work which stay the structure have
an inclination of fifty-four
degrees...
NINOTCHKA
That's a strange angle.
LEON
Yes, very strange.
By now they have reached the staircase. They start up.
LEON
(continuing to read)
Ascending to the tower is a staircase
consisting of eight hundred and twenty-
nine steps...
(this disclosure
frightens Leon as he
realizes the climb
ahead of him. He
reads on as they
walk up)
...and an additional two hundred and
fifty-four steps to the very top...
(now Leon stops but
Ninotchka proceeds
on out of the picture.
Leon calls after her
and reads from his
book in a loud voice)
There is an elevator included in the
price of admission!
Ninotchka continues to climb.
MEDIUM SHOT -- STAIRS (FROM LEON'S ANGLE)
Ninotchka, paying no attention to him, walks up the stairs,
two at a time.
CLOSE SHOT -- LEON
He looks after Ninotchka, then makes up his mind and returns
down the stairs.
GROUND FLOOR -- EIFFEL TOWER, shooting toward the elevator
door. The elevator with several passengers is just about to
leave when Leon hurries into it. The door closes and the
elevator starts to ascend quickly.
DISSOLVE TO:
HIGHEST PLATFORM -- EIFFEL TOWER
The CAMERA ANGLE includes the elevator door and a beautiful
background view of Paris. The elevator door opens and Leon
emerges leisurely. He is just about to step to the top of
the staircase, when suddenly, to his great amazement, he
sees Ninotchka, who stands at the balustrade overlooking
Paris. She has climbed the tower faster than he despite the
elevator. Dumbfounded, Leon approaches her. Ninotchka turns,
very matter-of-fact.
NINOTCHKA
You gave me some very valuable
information. Thank you.
LEON
(looking at the
dazzling view)
And thank you for getting me up here.
I've never seen this before.
Beautiful, isn't it?
NINOTCHKA
Yes, it is.
LEON
I'm glad I saw it before becoming
extinct.
NINOTCHKA
Do not misunderstand me. I do not
hold your frivolity against you.
(she looks him up and
down)
As basic material you might not be
bad, but you are the unfortunate
product of a doomed culture. I feel
sorry for you.
LEON
You must admit that this doomed old
civilization sparkles... It glitters!
Night View of Paris with Its Lights Ablaze, as seen from the
Eiffel Tower.
NINOTCHKA AND LEON
NINOTCHKA
I do not deny its beauty, but it is
a waste of electricity.
LEON
What a city! There are the Grands
Boulevards... blasted out of the
heart of the old streets. The Arc de
Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's
army. The Opera! And Montmartre...
Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now
I'll show you the greatest attraction!
(he steps to a
telescope and, taking
some money from his
pocket, drops a coin
in the slot)
It will cost me a franc but it is
worth it.
(he adjusts the
telescope)
The most wonderful spot in all Paris --
unique! Here, look....
(she looks in telescope)
What do you see?
NINOTCHKA
I see a house that looks like any
other house. What's remarkable about
it?
LEON
It's not the structure but the spirit
which dwells within. There are three
rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to
hospitality.
NINOTCHKA
So that is your house?
LEON
Well, let's say I live in it. Such a
pleasant place... all kinds of
comfort, easy to reach, close to
street car, bus, and subway...
NINOTCHKA
(straight from the
shoulder)
Does that mean that you want me to
go there?
LEON
(feeling that he has
offended her)
Please don't misunderstand me...
NINOTCHKA
Then you don't want me to go there.
LEON
(in a pickle)
Now I didn't say that either...
naturally nothing would please me
more.
NINOTCHKA
(simply)
Then why don't we go?
(looking at him)
You might be an interesting subject
of study.
LEON
I will do my best.
They walk toward the elevator as we
DISSOLVE TO:
INTERIOR, ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT
In the foreground stands a console on which is a telephone.
Gaston, Leon's elderly, dignified butler, is answering the
phone.
GASTON
(into phone)
No... Count d'Algout is still out.
Yes, as soon as he returns I'll tell
him. Yes... I'll tell him Monsieur
Buljanoff.
He puts down the receiver as Leon opens the door with his
key. Ninotchka and Leon enter. Ninotchka, during the following
scene, is studying every detail of the apartment with the
eye of a technical expert.
LEON
Good evening, Gaston.
GASTON
Good evening, Monsieur.
NINOTCHKA
Is this what you call the "butler"?
LEON
Yes.
NINOTCHKA
(takes Gaston's hand)
Good evening, comrade.
(to Leon)
This man is horribly old. You should
not make him work.
LEON
He takes good care of that.
NINOTCHKA
He looks sad. Do you whip him?
LEON
No, though the mere thought makes my
mouth water.
NINOTCHKA
(to the completely
flabbergasted Gaston)
The day will come when you will be
free. Go to bed, little father. We
want to be alone.
Leon opens the door to the living room. Ninotchka enters.
Just as he is about to follow her, Gaston addresses him.
GASTON
(in a low voice)
Count d'Algout, there have been
several telephone...
LEON
Go to bed.
INTERIOR, LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT
Leon enters the room. Closes the door. Ninotchka is examining
the room.
LEON
Well, may I offer you a drink, or
how about something to eat?
NINOTCHKA
Thank you. I've had all the calories
necessary for today.
Leon feels a little uncertain as to how to approach this
creature.
NINOTCHKA
What do we do now?
LEON
We take off our hat and coat.
(he takes her things)
We sit down -- we make ourselves
comfortable. We adjust ourselves to
the prospect of a most enjoyable
evening. We look at each other. We
smile.
(Ninotchka doesn't
respond)
Well... we don't smile. How about
some music?
NINOTCHKA
Is that customary?
LEON
It helps. It has ever since King
David wooed Bathsheba with the harp.
As I am not so fortunate as to have
my harp at hand, I shall turn on the
radio.
NINOTCHKA
(the observer)
I should say this room is eighteen
by twenty-five.
LEON
Not too big and not too small. What
I'd call the typical room of an
average man. Or shall we say a little
above average. Now if there are any
special aspects you wish to study I
have nothing to conceal. Just look
around. That's my desk. Those are my
books, and here am I. Where shall we
begin?
NINOTCHKA
I will start with you.
LEON
That's great. I'm thirty-five years
old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh
a hundred and eighty-two pounds
stripped.
NINOTCHKA
And what is your profession?
LEON
Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind
alert, keeping my landlord appeased.
That's a full-time job.
NINOTCHKA
And what do you do for mankind?
LEON
For mankind not a thing -- for
womankind the record is not quite so
bleak.
NINOTCHKA
You are something we do not have in
Russia.
LEON
Thank you. Thank you.
NINOTCHKA
That is why I believe in the future
of my country.
LEON
I begin to believe in it myself since
I've met you. I still don't know
what to make of it. It confuses me,
it frightens me a little, but it
fascinates me, Ninotchka.
NINOTCHKA
You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni-
notchka.
LEON
Ni-notchka.
NINOTCHKA
That is correct.
LEON
Ninotchka, do you like me just a
little bit?
NINOTCHKA
Your general appearance is not
distasteful.
LEON
Thank you.
NINOTCHKA
Look at me. The whites of your eyes
are clear. Your cornea is excellent.
LEON
Your cornea is terrific. Tell me --
you're so expert on things -- can it
be that I'm falling in love with
you?
NINOTCHKA
You are bringing in wrong values.
Love is a romantic designation for a
most ordinary biological, or shall
we say chemical, process. A lot of
nonsense is talked and written about
it.
LEON
Oh, I see. What do you use instead?
NINOTCHKA
I acknowledge the existence of a
natural impulse common to all.
LEON
What can I possibly do to encourage
such an impulse in you?
NINOTCHKA
You don't have to do a thing.
Chemically we are already quite
sympathetic.
LEON
(bewildered, and yet
completely intrigued)
You're the most improbable creature
I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka,
Ninotchka...
NINOTCHKA
You repeat yourself.
LEON
I'd like to say it a thousand times.
NINOTCHKA
Don't do it, please.
LEON
I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must
forgive me if I appear a little old-
fashioned. After all, I'm just a
poor bourgeois.
NINOTCHKA
It's never too late to change. I
used to belong to the petty
bourgeoisie myself. My father and
mother wanted me to stay and work on
the farm, but I preferred the bayonet.
LEON
(bewildered)
The bayonet? Did you really?
NINOTCHKA
I was wounded before Warsaw.
LEON
Wounded? How?
NINOTCHKA
I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry
Brigade. Would you like to see my
wound?
LEON
(dumfounded)
I'd love to.
(she pulls the blouse
off her shoulder and
shows him her scar)
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
NINOTCHKA
A Polish lancer. I was sixteen.
LEON
Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka.
NINOTCHKA
(readjusting her blouse)
Don't pity me. Pity the Polish lancer.
After all, I'm alive.
More and more puzzled and fascinated, Leon sits down close
to her.
LEON
What kind of a girl are you, anyway?
NINOTCHKA
Just what you see. A tiny cog in the
great wheel of evolution.
LEON
You're the most adorable cog I ever
saw in my life. Ninotchka, Cogitska,
let me confess something. Never did
I dream I could feel like this toward
a sergeant.
A clock strikes.
LEON
Do you hear that?
NINOTCHKA
It's twelve o'clock.
LEON
It's midnight. One half of Paris is
making love to the other half. Look
at the clock. One hand has met the
other hand. They kiss. Isn't that
wonderful?
NINOTCHKA
That's the way a clock works. There's
nothing wonderful about it. You merely
feel you must put yourself in a
romantic mood to add to your
exhilaration.
LEON
I can't possibly think of a better
reason.
NINOTCHKA
It's false sentimentality.
LEON
(trying desperately
to make her mood
more romantic)
You analyze everything out of
existence. You analyze me out of
existence. I won't let you. Love is
not so simple. Ninotchka, Ninotchka,
why do doves bill and coo? Why do
snails, coldest of all creatures,
circle interminably around each other?
Why do moths fly hundreds of miles
to find their mates? Why do flowers
open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka,
Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight
symptom of the divine passion... a
general warmth in the palms of your
hands... a strange heaviness in your
limbs... a burning of the lips that
is not thirst but a thousand times
more tantalizing, more exalting,
than thirst?
He pauses, waiting for the results of his speech.
NINOTCHKA
You are very talkative.
That is too much for Leon. He takes her into his arms and
kisses her.
LEON
Was that talkative?
NINOTCHKA
No, that was restful. Again.
Leon kisses her again.
NINOTCHKA
Thank you.
LEON
Oh, my barbaric Ninotchka. My
impossible, unromantic, statistical...
The telephone rings.
LEON
(continuing)
Glorious, analytical...
NINOTCHKA
The telephone is ringing.
LEON
Oh, let it ring.
NINOTCHKA
But one of your friends may be in
need of you. You must answer.
Leon exits out of shot to answer telephone.
CLOSE SHOT -- AT DESK
Leon enters, sits down, takes the telephone.
LEON
(into phone)
Hello?... Yes... I'm sorry but I
couldn't make it. I ran into a friend
from the army... What?... The deal
is off! Are you crazy, Buljanoff?...
CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA
She is startled by the name.
LEON -- AT TELEPHONE
LEON
...A special envoy arrived... What?...
That sounds better. I'll be glad to
see her any time she wants... Oh,
she doesn't want to see me? What do
you know about that? Why?... Well,
I'll get in touch with her myself.
What's her name?...
(he takes a pencil
and a piece of paper)
...What?... Yaku... How do you spell
it?... Heavens! those Russian names!
(he starts to write
it down)
...I... Oh, Y...
Camera pulls back and Ninotchka enters the shot. She takes
pencil from Leon's hand, writes out the name, and leaves
again. At first Leon is not aware of the full significance
of her action. Then it dawns on him.
LEON
(continuing)
Yakushova... Ninotch...
At last the situation is entirely clear to him.
LEON
(into phone)
All right. Thank you.
He hangs up and stares at Ninotchka. She is putting on her
jacket.
LEON
(camera panning with
him as he walks over
to her)
Ninotchka...
He takes her arm.
NINOTCHKA
I must go.
LEON
Ninotchka, or shall I say Special
Envoy Yakushova...
NINOTCHKA
Let's forget that we ever met.
LEON
I have a better suggestion. Let's
forget that the telephone ever rang.
I never heard that you are
Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my
Ninotchka...
NINOTCHKA
(firmly)
I was sent here by my country to
fight you.
LEON
All right, fight me, fight me as
much as you want, but fight me
tomorrow morning! There's nothing
sweeter than sharing a secret with a
bitter enemy.
NINOTCHKA
(uncompromisingly)
As a representative of Moscow...
LEON
Tonight let's not represent anybody
but ourselves.
NINOTCHKA
It is out of the question. If you
wish to approach me...
LEON
You know I want to...
NINOTCHKA
Then do it through my lawyer!
LEON
(desperate)
Ninotchka, you can't walk out like
this... I'm crazy about you, and I
thought I'd made an impression on
you. You liked the white of my eye.
Ninotchka looks at him for a second, then pulls herself
together.
NINOTCHKA
I must go.
She starts for the door.
LEON
But, Ninotchka, I held you in my
arms. You kissed me!
NINOTCHKA
I kissed the Polish lancer too...
before he died.
As she goes out, we
FADE OUT:
THE ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT
FADE IN:
(Note: We have to invent some brief scene to indicate that
three days have gone by. From this we)
DISSOLVE TO:
The butler opens the door. Swana enters, her manner showing
her complete familiarity with the place.
GASTON
Good morning, Your Highness.
SWANA
Good morning, Gaston.
GASTON
Count d'Algout is still asleep.
SWANA
(as she walks toward
Leon's room)
That's all right.
LEON'S BEDROOM
The curtains are drawn. The night light is still on. Leon, a
dressing gown over his pajamas, is sound asleep in a big arm
chair. As Swana enters, she sees him with some alarm.
SWANA
Leon! What in heaven's name...!
LEON
Huh?
SWANA
Is anything wrong? Are you ill?
LEON
No.
SWANA
Don't tell me the bed has lost its
best friend.
LEON
I just couldn't sleep. I got up and
went back... and then got up again.
These last few days... whew!
SWANA
Darling, you're taking my business
affairs far too seriously. Much as
I'd love to rob the Bolsheviks of
their filthy money, I won't do it at
the expense of your health.
Particularly as we know we won't get
much.
(tenderly)
You look so pale... pale but
interesting.
There is a knock at the door.
SWANA
Come in.
Gaston enters with a breakfast tray.
GASTON
Your breakfast, monsieur.
LEON
I don't feel like any breakfast.
SWANA
Nonsense. How can you fight the Reds
and make yourself agreeable to the
Whites if you don't keep up your
strength.
GASTON
Shall I draw your bath, sir?
LEON
Make it ice cold.
SWANA
Not in your condition.
(to Gaston)
Make it tepid, Gaston... tepid and
tender. And lay out his gray suit.
(to Leon)
Afterwards I'll drive you through
the Bois. Slowly... in Waltz time.
GASTON
A blue shirt, perhaps?
SWANA
Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a
striped one, and brighten it with a
great blaze of tie.
GASTON
Very well, Your Highness.
Gaston disappears into the bath-dressing room. Swana makes
Leon sit down and seats herself beside him.
SWANA
Now... here we have two very handsome
soft-boiled eggs. Do you su